A Tale Of Two Witches by Robyn Peterman

Author:Robyn Peterman [Peterman, Robyn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781941377192
Publisher: Robyn Peterman
Published: 2017-06-19T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fourteen

“Sweet Goddess buck ass naked on a tight rope fifty feet in the air over a fire pit of goblins,” I shouted, sniffing the delicious aroma in my kitchen. Jeeves and Cookie Witch worked the kitchen like they’d been cooking together for ages. “It smells like what I hope the Next Adventure smells like in here.”

“Do not eat the goop,” Marge warned as she swiped the sweat off her brow with her forearm. “I’m burning a batch of oatmeal scotchies for you and I’m making a batch of double peanut-peanut butter crunch for the boys.”

“Have I told you how much I luuuurrrve you?” I sang as I danced Cookie Witch around the kitchen. “You can live with us forever!”

“Well, now,” she said, a bit flustered. “I don’t think you…”

“She means it,” Jeeves said, putting the finishing touches on a pan of the sweet smelling goop. “And I agree with my mate and soon-to-be wife. You will live here. I’ll put another addition on the house and build the boys the tree house they’ve been angling for.”

“I really…” Marge protested.

“You can,” I insisted. “You really can. We can be a wonderfully fucked up dysfunctional family who love themselves madly and eat cookies.”

“Well, when you put it like that, I don’t know how I can refuse, girlie,” Marge said dryly, but with a delighted smile pulling at her lips.

“Good, it’s settled then. What are you two geniuses gonna do with the goop when it’s done?” I asked, peeking in the large pot. “Isn’t it kind of dangerous to leave it sitting around—especially since we’re gonna summon Bermangoggleshitballs?”

“No worries,” Marge assured me. “Baba Yaga stopped by earlier and we warded the property within an inch of its life. No one with ill intentions will make it within two hundred feet of this house.”

“Holy hell, Baba Yoassmunch is still in Assjacket?” I asked, pilfering one of the burnt cookies and sticking a few in my pocket for later.

“She is and I do believe she’s wearing out her welcome at Zelda’s. Apparently, she conjured up disco balls in the children’s rooms,” Marge informed us. “Didn’t go over too well.”

“Mac told me she’s leaving later this morning and taking the babies out of town until it’s safe. If Shit-titty gets wind of how powerful the twins are going to become, he’ll want them,” Jeeves said.

My dark warlock father was certainly a treat—a full-fledged psycho dick. I could only pray to the Goddess that when we summoned him those demons weren’t with him. Part of me hoped that he had nothing to do with the Legion showing up, but that was not very likely.

Grabbing a few more cookies, I kissed Jeeves and hugged Marge. “I’ve got to go to Zelda’s and finish making the plan to confront the asswipe.”

“Finish?” Marge inquired, surprised. “You only have part of a plan?”

“Umm… no. I actually have no plan. But I think winging it might be a sucktastic way to play this one. However, I do want everyone in Assjacket to stay in their houses—no one on the street and no one alone—including you guys.

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